The Myth of a Thick Skin

No one has a "thick skin." I studied this in Psychology for years. You would not believe the victims of verbal sexual and verbal emotional abuse that counselors treat in their daily work. I have many Psychologist and therapist friends who talk about it daily.

When I hear this term I just shake my head and ignore most of what the person says after that. Speech Communication theory has studied cussing extensively. What is not surprising is that cussing is universally offensive, even to the person doing the cussing. Anyone heard of self-abuse?

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is often caused by verbal abuse.  Calling someone stupid or an idiot is not something a person can brush off if the person doing the abusing is their family member.  These persons are close to you, they have a deep effect on your life. If you are called dumb as a child these attacks often become "tapes" that replay in the victim's mind over and over again throughout your life, until the tapes are dealt with in a healthy way.

People are sending messages all the time. If someone is sexually abused, the message that is sent is "you are worthless"  and "a sexual object to be used." The abuser does not have to say a thing.  It is communicated by the action of the abuse. If you were worthwhile in their mind, they would not abuse you.

Final Thoughts
Get rid of the "thick skin" analogy, research disproves it. In apologetics and evangelization I often encounter people who cuss or call names. I ask them to stop. If they continue, I cut off communication. When they can calmly talk about a subject, I am with them. When they want to abuse, I am gone.

What happens over time, and many people have told me this. is that they learn to be respectful. It is part of the evangelization. Otherwise, they are gone.

If a evangelee has a different opinion on something, I can deal with that. If another person wants to attack, there is the door. Come back when you are respectful. I can put up with some slips, but intentional attacking is off-limits. Learn to respect yourself and others will begin to respect you.